To really be able to see, hear and nurture children, we need to be looking through a clear lens that has not been fogged up by our own past experiences.

Engaging consciously sounds rather counter intuitive. It goes against what we have been taught about how to get results. For generations parenting has been about dominance, control and resistance.

To be more conscious is to see beyond the behaviour.

For example, for the most part we experience a child or teenager being rude and we take this as a violation to us. A behaviour that cannot be tolerated and must be stopped.

To be conscious is to really see that the behaviour is simply a cue that the child needs something. The behaviour is nothing to do with the adult and there is no need to control it for fear of said child being banished from society. What needs to happen is to connect to the need of the child, to establish what is needed so that the child can regain balance. The result? The need to act out, be rude or be aggressive is no longer present.

We simply don’t act out when we feel emotionally satiated. We don’t lie when we feel accepted and we don’t shut down when we trust we will be understood and heard.

This work takes time, patience and deep awareness from the adult. Deep awareness of what the child needs and deep awareness of when the adults needs and fears are taking centre stage. Each adult needs to know their weak spots, those that cloud their own personal lens and creates disconnection.